Pokemon Sinister
by skullanddog
Summary: Delinquents Pink and Green have always wanted a Pokemon. Now they're about to get one, in the worst way possible... a deadly, sinister secret experiment!


_A/N:_ This story is silly. I mean, really silly. I wrote it to blow off steam from more serious stories. If you check out my DeviantArt page, which is skullanddog . deviantart . com, then you'll see just how silly it is.

* * *

"Oh man!"

"This sucks."

"No, we suck. I can't believe we did it again."

Pink glanced at Green. "It's what we didn't do that's the problem."

Green gripped his forehead, pushing back his spiky, electric green mohawk. "I still can't believe it."

Together they chorused, "We failed Pokemon Trainers' School again!"

Past the long slope of roofs and windows below their high road home, Aspertia Bay glimmered gold beneath the sinking sun. A flock of pidove flittered overhead. Down in the city there were shouts and music of trainers welcoming the end of the school year. Pink and Green, up on the road high above the bay, must have been the only two punks in the universe not partying.

Green slouched. "Well, this makes six years in a row we've failed. It's official: we're never gonna be trainers. We suck. Even the teacher said we were useless."

"Oh no, he didn't say useless. He said sinister."

Spiked hair? Check. Multiple piercings? Check. Cheap sunglasses and henna tattoos? Check. Oh yeah. They were sinister.

"Hmm." Pink regarded Green thoughtfully. A rare useful thought struck her curly pink head. "Hey! How about the professor? He sometimes gives Pokemon to trainers. Sets young people off on their journey to discover the world, that sort of thing."

Green's face lit up. His piercing jostled in his face. "Yeah! He does! He gave my cousin a real tough little snivy last year."

"Ugh, snivy," went Pink. "So lame. Whatever happened to bulbasaur?"

Green shrugged. "It's not endemic."

"Chikorita?"

"That's a Johto starter, man. Hey," Green scratched his face. Some of the returned life had gone out of him. He stared out at the glimmering bay. The sounds of other people's happiness was depressing. "Anyway, Pink, isn't Professor Quercus crazy?"

But Pink only grinned. "Crazy enough to give us a Pokemon?"

Ten minutes later they were at Prof Quercus's lab. Pink rapped her brass knuckles on the door. It fell open beneath her hand, and a broad, shadowy figure emerged into the evening light.

Pink and Green gave the professor some room. He was the kind of man you give room to. Not because he was imposingly tall or athletic, but he had a face like a football shredded with a knife and then sewn back together with fishing line, criss-crossed with dubious scars, mean little eyes under murkrow wing eyebrows, and a shock of nearly white hair partly pinned back with girl's hairclips. He wore a doctor's surgical gown under his white lab coat, and shiny black buckled shoes. It was an unsettling combination.

"Professor Quercus?" Pink guessed, smearing a smile on her face. And to think the teacher had called _her_ sinister.

Prof Quercus gave both Pink and Green the once over, and grunted. There was a tepig gripping his shoulder. The tepig may have done his business down the professor's back, because the professor smelled _bad. _He growled, "Whaddaya want?"

Pink and Green stuck out their hands, plastering on their best smiles. "A Pokemon, please."

The professor sucked in air through his teeth. He stared at the kids. They weren't really kids. They'd missed the bright young trainer boat by six years. Slowly, steadily, as if every word was causing him immeasurable pain, Prof Quercus said, "You want me, to give you, a Pokemon? Each?"

Pink and Green nodded. "Yes please."

The door slammed in their faces. "No!"

A minute went by. Then another. Finally, Green said, "Maybe he didn't understand the question."

Pink banged on the door again. "Professor! Professor! We know you're in there, Professor!"

There was a strangled scream from within the lab. "Get lost!"

"How rude," said Pink to Green.

"Unforgivably so," agreed Green.

"Makes me want to break into his lab and steal his Pokemon for myself."

"Indubitably so."

Pink picked the lock. She opened the door and a patrat came flying out at her. It struck Pink in the face and let out a screech. Across the lab, Prof Quercus spied Green's face entering the doorway, and pegged another patrat at him. Green slammed the door, and the patrat ricocheted off it and broke a line of test tubes on a bench.

"Huhn," went Pink, when the patrat had scrambled off her and run into the night. "I think maybe he just doesn't want to give us a Pokemon."

"He just gave us two," Green pointed out.

"Yeah, but I don't want no lousy patrat. We gotta rethink our strategy."

Two hours later they were back at the lab. The tent Green had been given for his sixth birthday was propped on the lawn. Both Pink and Green were in the tent, with the tent flap drawn to let out smoke from the fire they'd lit on the floor. They had adopted the policy of siege warfare. If Prof Quercus wouldn't come out and speak to them, they'd smoke him out.

"Did you ever hear any more about your application to Team Dim Sun?" Pink asked, sprawled on the thin single mattress.

Green sat beside her, warming his hands on the fire. "Nah. They rejected me outright when I accidentally called them Team Dumb Sun."

"Hmm, I can see why that might put them off. How about Team Plasma?"

Green sniggered. "You mean Team Spasma."

They both laughed. A shadow fell over the tent. Professor Quercus crouched by the opening. His face, streaked with long shadows and distorted by the wavering hot air over the fire, was more hideous and frightening than ever. Green felt they'd found a kindred spirit.

"All right," said Prof Quercus, sounding tired and less sinister than he looked, "I give up. You kids want a Pokemon that bad?"

The professor could have had red skin and horns and Green and Pink still would have leapt up joyfully to greet him. "We sure do!"

"I might have just the job for you. Mind you, it's a lousy job, and you're apt to die. But you do get a Pokemon each, and then you get to get out of my sight. You still keen?"

Pink clawed her face. "Yes, please!"

"Right." Prof Quercus let himself into the tent. He hunkered down by the fire. He searched the pleasantly blank faces of the lacklustre specimens before him. "You've probably heard that I'm crazy. That's true. I've always been crazy and I've always been proud of it; I tell everyone. So if you haven't heard about it than you're damn right I'm mad about it."

"I've heard it," said Green, raising his hand.

"Good. The second thing about me, I don't tell anyone. I used to live in Kanto. Bulbasaur, zubat, mewtwo, the lot. Year after year I saw new generations of Pokemon being discovered. I moved around a lot to keep up with the new discoveries. Johto, Hoenn, Sinnoh; you can bet I've lived in all of them. Finally I moved here, to Unova. And now they tell me there's about to be more Pokemon discovered."

"Zubat," Green said to Pink, "those were the days."

"Shut up," Prof Quercus told him. "I happen to like the new Pokemon. But it got to me. Never knowing what would be next, just knowing that there _would_ be something next. I'd pack up and move and have to start all over again. That's okay, I look forward to that. But I can't wait to see the new Pokemon. I just can't. It drives me swoobatty. It keeps me awake at night. I have to know. And so I devised a series of dangerous experiments."

Well now, this was the stuff! This was sounding very sinister. This was sounding very Pink and Green.

"Go on," said Pink.

"Yes. My experiments revolved around a fusion machine designed to anticipate new Pokemon based on the old ones." The professor scowled. "There was one problem."

"Abject failure?"

"The opposite. The experiments were a complete success. The problem was I left the back door unlocked one night and all of my experiments escaped. That was a month ago. There have been sightings of yellow charizards and very shady looking clefairies all over Unova. That's where you two come in."

Pink and Green dragged themselves closer. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." Prof Quercus reached into his lab coat. He drew out two small rectangular devices. Like books, but obviously not, since no one with any brain whatsoever would ever accuse Pink and Green of reading. "These are reverse pokedexes. If you register one of my experimental monsters in here, it will be deleted from the national database and all other trainers' records. I don't think anyone's managed to catch one of my monsters. I'd have that dratted Professor Juniper all up in my business if that were the case. So I want you two to do it. And if you see one of my monsters with another trainer, steal it. I can't afford for this to go public. The Board of Questionable Scientists would revoke my unethical experiment licence, for sure. It's just too unethical."

Pink took a reverse pokedex. It had a good weight. The weight of potential bad deeds done in the name of a crazy old coot who should probably be tried in a public court. "We'll do it," she said.

"So long as we get our Pokemon," Green added.

A scratch of a smile crossed the professor's face. "Of course. I have three with me right now. You can pick whichever ones you like..."

_To be continued...?_

* * *

_A/N:_ Told you it was silly! Let me know what you think. If I don't just get flames then I'll probably write some more. So let me know!


End file.
